Correction De News

[melek]

Bonjour,

Il faut que je choisisse un news sur BBC par exemple (de cette semaine) et il faut que je l'explique en 5 min à peu près.

J'ai choisi le news : "David Cameron promises in/out referendum on EU".

Je l'ai trouvé sur ce lien : http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21148282

(dated : 23 January 2013)

l'explication doit se faire à l'oral donc mon explication doit avoir un langage oral

voilà, je vous envoi ce que j'ai fait pour ce news :

Promised six months ago and delayed by some days, due to Algerian crisis, David Cameron’s speech about EU integration came out. UK’s Prime Minister brought a long speech directed to the british people. He defended the need of an in-or-out referendum, as the only way to finally settle down the integration issue in UK because, in his opinion, british citizens had little word on it since the beggining. This referendum will take place in the first part of next parliament, if Conservatives win the election. According to his words, forcing the british people to accept the presente rules of EU, when their disappointment is the highest ever, would promote the independence. In the other hand, the Prime Minister stated that the present economical, social and political situation lived all over Europe makes it harder to carry on the referendum right now. So he thinks UK needs to renegociate its position and powers inside the union, so that the people are aware of the what exactly they’ll have, before they vote. Moreover, he said he will fight with all his strengh to stay in EU, because the effects of a split could be negative in the international stage, even if the country can survive outside the union.

Many reactions to this speech have already been collected. While Labor says it was build for the party, in order to reinforce the relationship with euroskeptic elements, adding that such a referendum will bring instability, Independence Party applauds it. Some conservative euroskeptics also welcome Cameron’s words, as expected.

Outside the UK, France and Germany are clearly against this position, as they believe the UK should be active and constructive inside the union, but not ‘cherry picking’, meaning that no country should have special powers or prerrogatives, changing the rules when they feel like.

The fact is David Cameron was neither very specific concerning to the subjects of renegociation, nor to the effect of a possible renegociation fail.

J'aimerais avoir une correction de ce texte ?

vous pouvez faire en sorte que ce texte soit un peu d'un langage oral ?

s'il y a des phrases qui ne sont pas essentielles à mettre dans le texte, vous pouvez me le dire ?

s'il vous plaît

ps : à l'oral on dit EU ou European Union ?

UK ou United Kingdom ?

merci beaucoup d'avance...

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Sans vouloir déprécier ton travail qui paraît solide, ce texte s'apparente plus à un commentaire écrit qu'à un compte rendu explicatif oral.

En conservant la trame et le contenu, tu devrais essayer de dire les choses plus simplement et t'attendre à des demandes d'explications ou éclaircissements supplémentaires sur tel point ou tel autre de la part de ton professeur.

N'oublie pas qu'un oral ne consiste pas à simplement lire un texte ni à le réciter.

J'ai choisi le news : "David Cameron promises in/out referendum on EU".

Promised six months ago and delayed for / by some days, due to the Algerian crisis, David Cameron’s speech about the EU integration came out. The UK’s Prime Minister brought delivered a long speech directed to the British people. He defended the need of an in-or-out referendum, as the only way to finally settle down the integration issue in the UK because, in his opinion, British citizens have had little word on it no say on the matter since the beginning. This referendum would take place in the first part of next Parliament term, if Conservatives win the election.<Ce référendum est encore hypothétique =>> conditionnel, mode de l'irréel, l'inaccompli. According to his words, forcing the British people to accept the present rules of the EU, when their disappointment is the highest ever, would promote the independence. On the other hand, the Prime Minister stated that the present economical, social and political situation lived all over Europe makes it harder to carry on the referendum right now. So he thinks the UK needs to renegotiate its position and powers inside the union so that the people are aware of the what exactly they’ll have, before they vote. Moreover, he said he will fight with all his strengh to stay in the EU because the effects of a split could be negative on the international stage, even if the country can survive outside the union.

Many reactions to this speech have already been collected. While Labor says it was built for the party, in order to reinforce the relationship with eurosceptic elements, adding that such a referendum will bring instability, the Independent Party applauds it. Some conservative euroceptics also welcome Cameron’s words, as expected.<Même si ça ne se voit pas à l'oral, veille à utiliser seulement l'orthographe British English et ne la mélange pas avec l'orthographe American English. ie sceptic (BE) vs skeptic (AE).

Outside the UK, France and Germany are clearly against this position, as they believe the UK should be active and constructive inside the union, but not ‘cherry picking’, meaning that no country should have special powers or prerogatives, changing the rules when they feel like.

The fact is David Cameron was neither very specific concerning to the subjects of renegotiation, nor to the effect of a possible renegotiation fail.

PS : à l'oral on dit EU ou European Union ? UK ou United Kingdom ? Sans en être certain, je pense que les abréviations sont plus du domaine de l'oral que celui de l'écrit. Il faudrait poser la question à un(e) journaliste autochtone.

Bonne chance pour ton oral.

[melek]

merci beaucoup pour votre correction