Correction Devoir.

[Reenmau]

Bonjour à tous !

Pour le cours d'Anglais, j'ai du écrire un texte sur l'image que l'on donne de soi.

Voici mon texte :

I’m not enough credulous to believe that we give a picture of us dead right and complete. We give only an aspect of ourselves, fragments, reflections... authenticity is an important value for me. But if I moved deliberately away my authenticity to give others an inaccurate picture of me, I would have the feeling of losing all sense of my values. Critics bring true supplements in my own thought, but I refuse to be dependent on them!

I don’t think that it’s necessary to try to get oneself noticed. I think that when we have a satisfactory social and family life, we don’t need to appear but only stay what we are. I know that some people live only through the appearance. But people are often superficial or very bad about oneself. Difficult subject in conclusion… Each person is a gold mine, it must dig through.

Je ne suis pas certaine, et donc j'aimerais avoir une correction de ce texte ! Ou des conseils ?

Merci.

[Jean B]

Bonjour et bienvenue.

I’m not enough naïve / credulous enough to believe that we give a dead right and complete picture of us ourselves dead right and complete. - l'adverbe enough se place après un adjectif mais avant un nom

- le groupe adjectif se place toujours AVANT le nom. L'aurais-tu oublié ?

- action réfléchie sur le sujet = pronom réfléchi, pas complément We give only one aspect of ourselves, fragments, reflections... Authenticity is an important value for to me. But if I deliberately moved away from my authenticity to give others an inaccurate picture of me myself, I would have the a feeling of that I am losing all sense of my values. <A ttention au calque d'une expression française. Criticisms bring true supplements in to my own thought, but I refuse to depend / be dependent on them!

I don’t think that it’s necessary to try to get oneself noticed. I think that when we have a satisfactory social and family life, we don’t need to appear but only remain / stay what we are. I know that some people live only through the appearances. But people are often superficial or very bad about oneself. themselves.<Le pronom doit être accordé avec le sujet. In conclusion, this is a difficult topic / issue /subject … Each Every person is a gold mine it which must be dug into / through. Concernant la forme, ton expression est globalement correcte mais, pour ce qui concerne le fond, j'ai le sentiment que tu restes trop dans l'abstrait. Tu gagnerais donc à la concrétiser, peut-être en donnant des exemples ?

Dernier point qu'on pourrait te reprocher, l'absence de mots de liaison pour structurer ta pensée. Et je pense que c'est pris en compte dans un devoir de bac...En voici une liste que je t'invite à enregistrer.

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Bonne continuation.

[Reenmau]

Bonjour et merci beaucoup pour votre correction et vos conseils bien utiles.

Voici ci-dessous le travail corrigé auquel j'ai ajouté des informations car je le trouvais trop succinct.

Pour ma part je trouve assez hors du commun d'être aidée dans mon travail "belge" par un universitaire français !

Très bonne soirée !

I’m not credulous enough to believe that we give a dead right and complete picture of ourselves. We give only one aspect of ourselves, fragments, reflections... Authenticity is an important value to me. But if I deliberately moved away from my authenticity to give others an inaccurate picture of myself, I would have a feeling that I am losing all sense of my values. Criticisms bring true supplements to my own thought, but I refuse to depend on them!

To describe himself utmost, stick up for oneself, reminisce, feel comfortable with yourself, know your own limitations, mixed blessing, take on your responsibilities, easier said than done.

About me?

Young girl, 17 years old, Around 1 m 70…

More?

I’m smiling, joyful, happy and I’m tough on myself. I like black humor, go web surfing, go to parties, talk about everything and nothing, read for hours and hours, baby wears, bright colors, steel blue… I love Damien Saez, do nothing and watch the grass grow, Gad Elmaleh and his sense of humor, live on another planet. I’m nuts about my boyfriend. I hate put away my things, canary yellow, run (I prefer walk), get a whiff of cigarette smoke, hypocrisy. I don’t put up with cold. I hate waiting at the dentist's.

I would like to learn Italian, to visit Senegal and to speak easily English. I’m in favour of the sustainable development. I’m opposite to violence, pollution and selfishness! Even if it’s credulous. I would like to have the ability of to go again in the past, of teleportation, and of to read someone's mind.

I would like to become full professor, painter, designer, speech therapist, psychologist, trainer of guide dogs … And yet, I don’t know what I want to do!

I don’t think that it’s necessary to try to get oneself noticed. I think that when we have a satisfactory social and family life, we don’t need to appear but only remain what we are. I know that some people live only through appearances. But people are often superficial or very bad about themselves. In conclusion, this is a difficult topic. … Every person is a gold mine which must be dug into.

[Jean B]

Pour ma part je trouve assez hors du commun d'être aidée dans mon travail "belge" par un universitaire français ! À l'instar de certaine ONG, e-bahut est un forum sans frontières ! Et, soit dit entre nous, j'ai d'excellents correspondants amis outre Quiévrain, alors...

I’m not credulous enough to believe that we give a dead right and complete picture of ourselves. We give only one aspect of ourselves, fragments, reflections... Authenticity is an important value to me. But if I deliberately moved away from my authenticity to give others an inaccurate picture of myself, I would have a feeling that I am losing all sense of my values. Criticisms bring true supplements to my own thought, but I refuse to depend on them!

To describe himself yourself to the utmost, stick up for oneyourself, reminisce, feel comfortable with yourself, know your own limitations, mixed blessing, take on your responsibilities, easier said than done. <Tu t'es encore mélangée les pinceaux avec l'accord des pronoms. Sois-y attentive.

About me?

Young girl, 17 years old, around 1 m 70 tall…<Attention : young girl = fillette

More?

I’m smiling, joyful, happy and I’m tough on myself. I like black humor, going web surfing, going to parties, talking about everything and nothing, reading for hours and hours, baby wears, bright colors, steel blue… I love Damien Saez, doing nothing and watching the grass grow, Gad Elmaleh and his sense of humor, living on another planet. I’m nuts about my boyfriend. I hate putting away my things, canary yellow, running (I prefer walking), getting a whiff of cigarette smoke, hypocrisy. I don’t put up with cold. I hate waiting at the dentist's.<Les verbes like/love/hate sont soit suivis d'un gérondif (v-ing), soit d'un infinitif complet (to + v). S'agissant d'activités, j'ai une nette préférence pour le gérondif qui a les mêmes fonctions du nom.C'est d'autant préférable ici que tu mélanges (allègrement ) formes verbales et noms.

I would like to learn Italian, to visit Senegal and to speak English fluently / easily. I’m in favour of the sustainable development. I’m opposite opposed to violence, pollution and selfishness! Even if it’s credulous. I would like to have the ability of to going again back in to the past, of teleportation, and of to reading someone's mind.

I would like to become a full professor, a painter, a designer, a speech therapist, a psychologist, a guide dog trainer … And yet, I don’t know what I want to do!<L'anglais emploie systématiquement l'article indéfini devant un nom concret attribut du sujet. C'est à mémoriser.

I don’t think that it’s necessary to try to get oneself noticed. I think that when we have a satisfactory social and family life, we don’t need to appear but only remain what we are. I know that some people live only through appearances. But people are often superficial or very bad about themselves. In conclusion, this is a difficult topic. … Every person is a gold mine which must be dug into.

[Reenmau]

Encore merci !!! Et peut-être à une prochaine fois.

[Jean B]

You're welcome!