Correction D'une Expression écrite

[Djeust]

Bonjour!

J'aurais encore besoin de correction...

Merci d'avance

J'ai essayé d'être attentive à mes erreurs afin de limiter les dégâts...mais bon je ne promets rien !

Voici le sujet de mon commentaire:

“Human beings crave novelty and excitement. Advertising exists to feed that desire” (200 words)

It’s true that human need novelty an excitement. In fact to forget dullness of life and more simply to live better, we need live without tiredness.

But for some times, we have live in society of consummation fed by technical progress. In fact, in few years, many novelties were born so now, humans are in the habit to live in the middle of technological novelties progress, abundance and comfort. To keep this rhythm, producers must innovate unlimitedly at the risk of disappoint consumers. Thus we can see that human need novelty every day, after all, novelty create more and more desire.

On the other hand, to sell merchandise and make profit there are advertising. In fact producers draw consumers attention to a particular product in order to oblige them to buy. So when we see advertising we can see extent of novelties. But we can’t say that advertising feed the desire of novelties and excitement. In fact, seeing advertising do not realise desire, it makes this desire taller. We desire only that we have not. Consequently before buying something, we see advertising so we have more and more the need for spend.

Voilà pour mon texte.

Merci encore!

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Encore une fois, efforce-toi de comprendre tes fautes pour ne plus les refaire.

It’s true that <human> people need novelty and excitement. In fact we need them to forget dullness of life and more simply to live better, we need to live without tiredness.

But for some time, we have lived in a <society of consummation> consumer society which keeps on being fed by technical progress. In fact, <in> over a few years, <many> a great number of novelties were born so now, humans are <in the habit> used to live in the middle of technological novelties, progress, abundance and comfort. To keep this rhythm, producers must innovate unlimitedly at the risk of disappointing consumers. Thus we can see that humans need novelty every day, after all, novelty creates more and more desire.

On the other hand, to sell merchandises and make profit there <are> is advertising. In fact producers draw consumers' attention to a particular product in order to <oblige> encourage them to buy. So when we see <advertising> advertisements we can see <extent> an extensive range of novelties. But we can’t say that advertising feeds the desire of novelties and excitement. In fact, seeing advertisements does not <realise> fulfil desire, it makes <this desire taller> it bigger. We desire only <that> what we <have> do not have. Consequently before buying something, we see advertising so we <have> feel more and more the <need for> urge to spend.