Correction D'un Petit Commentaire

[Ajde]

bonjour,

j'ai réalisé un commentaire en anglais que j'aimerais vérifier ici, à l'aide de vos 'lumières'.

Pourriez vous vérifier ma grammaire ou mes petites imprécisions? en même temps que pensez vous du niveau de langue?

je vous remercie

Contrary to her husband and to her daughter, the mother of Priam intervenes only little.

In the first place, this mother seems to be rather absent and little attentive to what her daughter says. Indeed, When her daughter asks her for her opinion about the conversation, It seems that she is not interested and that she did not really listen to their comments. And even if she tries to catch later, it is evident that she makes it only by bond and not by envy.Even if her daughter exaggerates little, I find personally that she should pay her more attention. However, it is possible that she puts herself voluntarily in retreat(withdrawal) not to enter conflict with her husband or her daughter.We could imagine that they are in the habit of disagreing and of quarrelling often and that she eventually participated any more in the conversation because she is irritated by their behaviours. In spite of her inattention, I have all the same the impression that it is a mother who loves her children, because she seems very sweet and kind with her daughter. We have the impression that she is going to change opinion and finally to give her opinion about the topic, but she decides otherwise immediately. She does not want to take somebody's side. She seems to be very interested in the cinema because she suggests to her daughter seeing a film with Julia Roberts, what is a perfect exit for her, noyant ainsi le poisson. She seems a lot to focuse on the fashion because she reads woman's hours and wishes that her daughter made it also. And as said it her daughter to her husband a little bit before, she also focuses on material comfort. She is too materialistic as far as I am concerned. I think that this woman was strongly transformed when she moved in the USA with her family and that she is used to be privileged and to the luxury. She perfectly became integrated into the cultural values of her new country and seems to have forgotten her own culture, her roots. I think that she had to adopt the American way of life because she really had no choice. In a nustshell, She embodies the modern woman who dedicates himself not only to the education but also to the leisure activities

[Ajde]

Message supprimé : doublon

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Tout commentaire de ma part sur le fond est impossible du fait de l'absence du document support.

Pour ce qui est de la forme, il te suffit de voir le nombre de fautes et leurs corrections.

Encore faudrait-il rectifier un certain nombre de temps verbaux qui sont incorrects mais que j'ai volontairement laissés tels quels. A toi de voir.

On a souvent du mal en effet à te suivre dans tes changements de temps et le moins que je puisse en dire, c'est qu'ils ne sont pas toujours justifiés. Mais bon...

Conseil : quand tu fais un récit en anglais, sois bien attentif à l'emploi des temps verbaux et ne te mélange pas les pinceaux...<(C'est volontairement rimé pour servir de moyen mnémotechnique et c'est de mon invention )

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Contrary to her husband and <to her> daughter, <the mother of> Priam's mother intervenes only little.

In the first place, this mother seems to be rather absent and little attentive to what her daughter says. Indeed, when her daughter asks her for her opinion about the conversation, it seems that she is not interested and that she did not really listen to their comments. And even if she tries to catch up (?) later, it is evident that she <makes it> only does so <by> out of <bond> affection/attachment and not <by> out of envy.Even if her daughter exaggerates a little, I personally find <personally> that she should pay <her> more attention to her. However, it is possible that she voluntarily <puts herself voluntarily in retreat(withdrawal)> stays in the background not to <enter> come into conflict with her husband or her daughter. We could imagine that they are <in the habit of> used to disagree and <of> often quarrel <often> and that she eventually no longer participated <any more> in the conversation because she <is> was irritated by their behaviours. In spite of her inattention, I have all the same the impression that it is a mother who loves her children, because she seems very sweet and kind with her daughter. We have the impression that she is going to change <opinion> her mind and finally <to> give her opinion about the topic, but she immediately decides otherwise <immediately>. She does not want to take somebody's side. She seems to be very interested in the cinema because she suggests <to> her daughter to watch <seeing> a film with Julia Roberts, <what> which is a perfect exit for her, <noyant ainsi le poisson> thus evading the issue. She seems <a lot> to focuse a lot on <the> fashion because she reads Woman's Hours and wishes that her daughter <made> did it <also> too. And as <said it> her daughter <to> told her husband a little bit before, she also focuses on material comfort. She is too materialistic as far as I am concerned. I think that this woman was strongly transformed when she moved <in> to the USA with her family and that she is used to be privileged and to <the> luxury. She perfectly became integrated into the cultural values of her new country and seems to have forgotten her own culture, her roots. I think that she had to adopt the American way of life because she really had no choice. In a nustshell, she embodies the modern woman who dedicates herself not only to <the> education but also to <the> leisure activities.

[Ajde]

bonsoir, merci de votre correction.

Pour ce qui est de catch up, je voulais dire se reprendre, donc je pense que ce n'est pas le bon mot, ce serait plutôt correct herself non?

Sinon, en ce qui concerne les temps, pourriez vous me montriez ceux qui sont incorrects, c'est toujours intéressant d'élever son niveau de langue.

Je me suis relu et pourtant, je ne vois pas tellement le problème des temps.

Je crois avoir utilisé du présent pour décrire sa personnalité et un peu de prétérit pour faire un lien avec le passé et les précédents remue ménage de son mari et sa fille ?

[Jean B]

bonsoir, merci de votre correction.

Pour ce qui est de catch up, je voulais dire se reprendre, donc je pense que ce n'est pas le bon mot, ce serait plutôt correct herself non?

=> Oui, d'accord avec correct herself.

Sinon, en ce qui concerne les temps, pourriez vous me montrer ceux qui sont incorrects, c'est toujours intéressant d'élever son niveau de langue.

=> Dès le début de ton texte, tu emploies du présent. Est-ce justifié ? Ne fais-tu pas le récit d'événements passés, terminés et datés ? Quid du preterit ?

C'est tout ce que j'ai voulu dire car je rencontre cette erreur très souvent.

Tu es le seul à savoir si ma remarque te concerne ou pas car, je le répète, j'ignore tout du texte support.

Bonne chance.

Je me suis relu et pourtant, je ne vois pas tellement le problème des temps.

Je crois avoir utilisé du présent pour décrire sa personnalité et un peu de prétérit pour faire un lien avec le passé et les précédents remue ménage de son mari et sa fille ?

[Ajde]

rebonsoir,

merci de votre réponse (j'suis un gars=))

Sinon c'est un portrait d'une mère, donc pour moi je dois mêler présent (donc son comportement qui me semble général et continuel) et prétérit par rapport à déjà ses réactions passées, je pense que vous devez voir le texte pour comprendre mais j'ai bien entendu vos remarques et je ferai gaffe à l'avenir, même si ici c'est justifié=)

Un grand grand merci, bonne soirée