Besoin De Correction

[Djeust]

bonjour!

j'ai une contraction de texte à faire pour la rentrée, pouvez vous me corriger mes fautes?

For some time in Western countries we live in comfort and now we can see a change. In fact, at present, we see that this comfort and this abundance bring not the happiness and corrupt the people. So many young people want change the situation and change their life. They manifest against the society and more particularly, the society of consomation. Thus, we live with two different points of view: one to the government who shows his importance to the profit, materiels possessions and purchasing power; and the other one to the young people who want return to a society with more brotherhood, freedom and justice.

merci d'avance!

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Supprimer ce qui est en rouge entre <--->.

Bonjour,

J'ai une contraction de texte à faire pour la rentrée. Pouvez-vous me corriger mes fautes ?

For some time in Western countries we have lived in comfort and now we can see a change. In fact, at present, we see that this comfort and this abundance do not bring <not the> happiness and corrupt <the> people. So many young people want to change the situation and change their lives. They <manifest> demonstrate against <the> society and more particularly, the <society of consomation> consumer society. Thus, we live with two different points of view: <one to> the government's who show <his> the importance <to the> of profit, material possessions and purchasing power; and <the other one to> the young people's who want to return to a society with more brotherhood, freedom and justice.

Merci d'avance!

[Djeust]

Le moins que je puisse en dire, c'est que ta pensée est plutôt brumeuse et je crains de ne l'avoir pas bien saisie, en particulier à partir de "...two different points of view: ..."

[Jean B]

Dans le texte original:

"Et nous voilà coupés en deux car l'appétit de l'argent exerce encore une emprise considérable sur beaucoup de nos contemporains. Mais à côté, dans l'ombre, toute une vie spirituelle renaît, porteuse d'espérance"

J'ai voulu exprimer ce dualisme de pensée entre la société de consommation [en citant le texte "la course au confort, à la satisfaction matérielle, à l'accroissement du pouvoir d'achat"] et la jeunesse qui "refuse de s'engager dans la voie suivie par les parents" et "manifeste selon ses moyens contre la poursuite de la civilisation technico-commerciale dans laquelle nous sommes embarqués". Mais l'expression "different points of view" est sûrement mal adaptée...

Qu'en pensez-vous?

[Djeust]

Bonjour,

J'ai essayé de reprendre cette contraction en pensant anglais...Cela n'a rien de facile! En effet le texte à résumer étant en français j'ai immédiatement tendance à le résumer dans ma tête en français...

For some times, we live in comfort, particularly in western countries as France or America. In fact, this period shows technical progress during the last years. At present, we live a change. In fact we see, this comfort and the life in abundance do not bring happiness. Into the bargain, it corrupts people. Consequently, young people react against this society built by their parents, a consumer society. They want more brotherhood, freedom and justice. As a result, there are now a ditch between the society and young people. In fact, many people want profit and are filled by money and on the other hand, young people can see this imposture and wants change their life.

Voila pour le texte en espérant qu'il sera plus clair que le premier!

Merci encore.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

J'ai essayé de reprendre cette contraction en pensant anglais...Cela n'a rien de facile! En effet le texte à résumer étant en français j'ai immédiatement tendance à le résumer dans ma tête en français...

For some times, we live in comfort, particularly in western countries as France or America. In fact, this period shows technical progress during the last years. At present, we live a change. In fact we see, this comfort and the life in abundance do not bring happiness. Into the bargain, it corrupts people. Consequently, young people react against this society built by their parents, a consumer society. They want more brotherhood, freedom and justice. As a result, there are now a ditch between the society and young people. In fact, many people want profit and are filled by money and on the other hand, young people can see this imposture and wants change their life.

Voila pour le texte en espérant qu'il sera plus clair que le premier!

Merci encore.

[Djeust]

Avec toutes mes excuses,

"For some times, we have lived in comfort, particularly in western countries as France or America. In fact, this period shows technical progress during the last years. At present, we live a change. In fact we see, this comfort and the life in abundance do not bring happiness. Into the bargain, it corrupts people. Consequently, young people react against this society built by their parents, a consumer society. They want more brotherhood, freedom and justice. As a result, there are now a ditch between society and young people. In fact, many people want profit and are filled by money and on the other hand, young people can see this imposture and wants to change their lives."

Merci

[Jean B]

"For some time,<(au singulier !) we have lived in comfort, particularly in western countries as France or America. In fact, this period <shows> has been evidence of technical progress during the last years. At present, we are living a change. In fact we see that <this> living in comfort and <the life> abundance does not bring happiness. [into the bargain, it corrupts people.] <???Consequently, young people react against this society built by their parents, a consumer society. They want more brotherhood, freedom and justice. As a result, there <are> is now a <ditch> gap between society and young people. In fact, many people want profit and are <filled by> full of money and on the other hand, young people can see this imposture and want<s> to change their lives."

* Je n'arrive pas à croire que tu sois très attentif à ce que tu écris...

[Djeust]

Je ne sais pas si c'est un problème d'attention...Je vois surtout et suis obligée d'admettre que mon niveau en anglais est très moyen...

Dans tous les cas je vous remercie de votre aide.

[Jean B]

Je ne sais pas si c'est un problème d'attention...Je vois surtout et suis obligée d'admettre que mon niveau en anglais est très moyen...

Dans tous les cas je vous remercie de votre aide.