Correction Brouillon

[Allezlelosc_59]

Bonjour,

Je dois rendre pour lundi prochain une rédaction en anglais. J'ai totalement rédigé mon brouillon, j'aimerais si possible que vous me disiez les erreurs qu'il comporte et leur correction. Tout d'abord, voici le sujet :

Plan your journey !

You and your friend are planning a trip to London.

Write your conversation.

Student A must use these words :

journey - aisle seat - sandwiches - buffet car - online - punch your ticket

Student B must use these words :

timetable - windows seat - train times - refreshment trolley - map of London

Voilà ce que j'ai fait :

We are the 2nd of June. The weather is very hot and sunny. I am taking a nap when my mobile rings...

- Hey Mike ! It's Kévin ! How are you ?

- Good afternoon Kévin ! Very well, as the weather. And you ?

- Fine, thank you. Have you searched about our linguistic trip in London ?

- Yes. I went in internet to see the differents offers. I can do all online.

- And ? What did you see ?

- A very good organisation when it comes to linguistics journeys proposes a trip the 1st of July to the 14th.

- How much it cost ?

- 300£ for us.

- Ok. It's cheap. But have you got a timetable with train times ?

- Yes, I have. We can take the train at 6.00 a.m or 8.00 p.m. But if we'll take the train at 8.00 p.m, there will be a day in London less (nous aurons un jour de moins passé à Londres...).

- Ok. 6.00 a.m. But is it possible I'll take a window seat ? And will there be a refreshment trolley ?

- Yes, you'll take a window seat, I'll take an aisle seat. There is a refreshment trolley and a buffet car too, with sandwiches, drinks...

- Ok. But I suppose there will be a ticket collector ?

- Yes. We will must punch our ticket... Have you got any other questions ?

- Yes, I have. Do you have a map of London. To not get lost in the city !

- Yes. I've a very large map with all the restaurants, the museums and the monuments. Well, I'm very tired. I'm going to sleep a little...

- Ah ah ah ! Well, have a good nap ! See you the 1st of July ! Goodbye !

I ring off and go to my bed. Thirty days before London...

Voila, merci d'avance, bon week-end

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

We are the 2nd of June. The weather is very hot and sunny. I am having / taking a nap when my mobile rings...

- Hey Mike! It's Kevin! How are you?

- Good afternoon Kevin! Very well, <as> like the weather. And you?

- Fine, thank you. Have you searched about our linguistic trip <in> to London ?

- Yes. I <went> 've been on the Internet to see <the> different<s> offers. I can do <all> everything online.

- And? What did you see?

- A very good organisation, when it comes to linguistic<s> journeys, proposes a trip from the 1st of July to the 14th.

- How much does it cost? <(aïe ) / How much do they charge?

- 300£ for us.

- Ok. It's cheap. But have you got a timetable with train times?

- Yes, I have. We can take the train at 6.00 a.m or 8.00 p.m. But if we<'ll> take <(condition au présent) the train at 8.00 p.m, there will be a day less in London <less>.(nous aurons un jour de moins passé à Londres...).

- Ok. 6.00 a.m. But is it possible <I'll take> for me to have <(proposition infinitive) a window seat ? And will there be a refreshment trolley?

- Yes, you'll take a window seat, I'll take an aisle seat. There is a refreshment trolley and a buffet car too, with sandwiches, drinks...

- Ok. But I suppose there will be a ticket collector?

- Yes. We will <must> <(énormité ) have to punch our tickets... Have you got any other questions?

- Yes, I have. Do you have a map of London <to> not to get lost in the city?

- Yes. I've a very large map with all the restaurants, the museums and the monuments. Well, I'm very tired. I'm going to sleep a little...

- Ah ah ah ! Well, have a good nap! See you on the 1st of July! Goodby!

I ring off and go to <my> bed. Thirty days before going to London...

Quelques rappels utiles :

- les adjectifs sont invariables = pas de S.

- une condition exprimée au présent entraîne une principale au futur. Si je me lève <(présent) à 6 heures, j'arriverai <(futur) à temps.

- un modal n'ayant pas d'infinitif, on le construit aux temps composés avec un verbe équivalent ayant un infinitif. => must = to have to

Tu étais sans doute pressé de partir en weekend ?

[Allezlelosc_59]

Ouh là, c'est vrai que j'ai fait d'énormes erreurs, je devais pas être bien réveillé ce matin...

Un grand merci, avec les explications, c'est très clair

[Jean B]

Ouh là, c'est vrai que j'ai fait d'énormes erreurs, je devais pas être bien réveillé ce matin...

Un grand merci, avec les explications, c'est très clair