Pouvez-vous Me Corriger....

[Animatrix]

Bonjour à tous,

Ceci n’est pas un DM, mais j’aimerais que vous puissiez corriger mes phrases (les idées des phrases ne sont pas importantes) mais surtout sur la structure, orthographe…

1) « A hot meal » is for me what you eat during the dinner and the lunch. Also, the people who have nothing to eat have “a hot meal” because they don’t have money. Then, associations give them food during the winter. A “hot meal” is important in a balanced diet because it brings to the body what it needs.

2) A “hot meal” means to the narrator what his parents eat every day and he doesn’t agree with this idea.

A “hot meal” means to his mother to have something to eat at dinner. She has been obligated to go from part-time to full-time to have more money and consequently to can eating and to surviving.

A “hot meal” means to his father something he eats at home very frequently. The “hot meal” for him is what he is obligated to eat: it is edible but not balanced. He must eat that because her wife and him don’t have enough money.

3) In this text, the narrator talks about 4 periods of his life:

- When he was young. We can quote “… I was a child … when I was eleven.”. He lived with her parents and he was at school.

- When he was at the university, when he was about 25 years old. In the text we can quote “Once when I was about twenty five…”. He lived probably during the week in a student's residences and occasionally the weekend with his parent’s.

- In the mid 1970s. We can suppose the narrator was still at the university or he worked. He lived probably always in the student's residences if he was a student. If he wasn’t a student he could live in his own flat/house.

- When the narrator’s father had 61 years old. He lived probably with his girlfriend (if he had one). He was very angry against Dorothy and the Brunwin Group: her father was probably died for the sake of them.

4) The narrator was surprised when he came home because he noticed how drastically his parent’s eating habits had changed. When the narrator was young, their parents might be rich because they paid to her son a fee-paying school. Then, they had in financial difficulties and they were obligated to eat Brunwin Group’s food.

5) We can imagine the narrator was eating good food when he was young. His parents were in easy circumstances because her mother could content her with staying in a part-time. Moreover, her father has a job in the Brunwin Group. Consequently, they have sufficiently money to live and they could eat what they want. They probably eat in lots of gourmet restaurants by the very fact of their obstinacy in their own jobs. They might eat balanced meals with meats, vegetables and fruits.

6) The narrator explains the financial state of his family in saying that her parents send him to a fee-paying school. A fee-paying school is a school where parents must pay a lot. Then, the narrator’s parents were become in deficit; they had to eat shoddiness food.

7) In the evening, the meal of his parents is very special and strange. These meals come from packets to the Brunwin Group (the place where her father was worked). The advantage was the rapidity for cooks it. In these packets, there were hamburgers fritters with chips.

They had to eat like that because they were poor since the inscription of her son in a fee-paying school.

8)The father’s feeling about this situation is a feeling of incapability. He doesn’t realize it is dangerous for him to eat like that. He is obligated, because he hasn’t enough money, but he likes this type of food.

The narrator is against this idea to see his father eating like that. He knows it is not healthy for him and he is worried about his father’s health.

9) The part in italics shows all the ingredients we can find in Brunwin Group’s food.

We can notice that all these ingredients are bad for health.

The effects of those products are to get fat. Absolutely all these ingredients are dangerous if you eat them too much.

This type of product won’t have to exist.

The author wants to show us all these bad ingredients we can find in all these type of products.

10) The last line reminds me any real situation: McDonald’s, Quick and everybody else fast food.

In this type of restaurant, we can eat principally fat. That is very important to eat balanced because if not you are obligate to have eating disorders. Unhappily, in those restaurants nothing is balanced. Customers are consequently obligated to have troubles with this food. Moreover, teenagers today go to this fast food very regularly, that explains the situation of the U.S.A. and the teenagers who are overweight.

The word “killed” implies the fact that if you eat only in fast food or if you buy and fetch this food at home, you are a sort of sentenced person. The ingredients attack your organism and then you are obligate to be on the sick list like the narrator’s father.

[bobothesnail]

Alors c'est un peu long, mais je veux bien essayer le début (pour l'instant du moins peut etre que j'aurais plus de temps plus tard...)

1) you eat during the dinner and at lunch (il me semble)

Also people who have...it brings the body what it needs.

2) to be able to eat for surviving...(mais je trouve la phrase toujours bizarre)

3) he lived with his parents and...

He was at the university when he was around 25 years old...residence ( et parents je le metttrais sans "s")...parents (pas d"'")

@+ pour la suite!!!