Oral notion myths and heroes

[Mae85]

Bonjour, j'aurai besoin d'être corrigé sur mon texte pour mon oral d'anglais pour un bac blanc qui aura lieu dans quelques semaines. Je remercies d'avance la personne qui m'aidera. 

I speak about the notion myths and heroes.

To begin with, I like to give a definition of the notion. A myth is a popular belief from a story that may or may not be true. A hero is a person of superhuman qualifies who is admired for his courage or extraordinary achievements

I delimited my presentation at 2 part, the first part is example of one myth and one hero, the second part is the explication why is famous.

I take for example of a myth, the American dream. The American dream is the notion that the American social, economic, and political system makes success possible for every individual. Many people criticize the idea of the American dream because they say that it is impossible for everyone to be able to fulfill their dreams

For example of a hero, I'm going to talking about Malala Yousafzai. Malala was born on 1997, she is Pakistanese. As a child she became an advocate for girl's education, which resulted in the Taliban issuing a death threat against her. After the Taliban began attacking girls' schools in Swat, Malala gave a speech on 2008 in Peshawar which is big city of Pakistan. On October 2012, a gunman shot Malala when she was traveling home from school. After been shot through the head, she should have died but she miraculously survived, and has continued to speak out on the importance of education. She was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize in 2013. Then, in 2014, she was nominated again and won, becoming the youngest person to receive The Nobel Peace Prize. Malala is a young teen who is very mature. She could be considered as a real-life hero.

In my opinion the American dream was famous because lot of people take example such as Marilyn Monroe or Steeve Jobs who started from the bottom and are become rich and famous. They think when they go in the US, their lives will become better.
Malala Yousafzai, she is a hero because that she fought for girl's education. His speech gave in September 2008 is still celebrate today. Malala is unique, at age 17, she became the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. It is an example for many people around the world.

In summary the myth and hero gives a good picture of a country or an example for his citizen. The American dreams gives hope at people, he gives a good image of the US. The hero like Malala Yousafzai is a person we can identify oneself. It restores hope and the motivation to fight even when it is difficult, to not give up.
To conclude, In my opinion myths and heroes was important for our society. Because they give hopes, they give motivation to not give up in her life. They give example for the people. We needs some hero like Malala to fight the inegalitie in the world. But they also need to myth as the American dream that show the importance of fighting for what we really want

With anything myth and heros, what would our world?

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

I'm going to speak about the notion of myths and heroes. < be going to + BV quand la décision a déjà été prise

To begin with, I'd like to give a definition of the notion.< would + BV, le conditionnel de politesse A myth is a popular belief from a story that may or may not be true. A hero is a person of superhuman qualifies who is admired for his courage or extraordinary achievements

I take for example of a myth, Let me take the example of the American dream. < Simplifie l'expression The American dream is the notion that the American social, economic, and political system makes success possible for to every individual. Many people criticize the idea of the American dream because they say that it is impossible for everyone to be able to fulfill their dreams

For example of a hero, I'm going to talking < No comment! talk about Malala Yousafzai. Malala was born on in 1997, she is Pakistanese. As a child she became an advocate for girl's education, which resulted in the Taliban issuing a death threat against her. After the Taliban began attacking girls' schools in Swat, Malala gave a speech on in 2008 in Peshawar which is a big city of Pakistan. On October 2012, a gunman shot Malala when she was traveling home from school. After been shot through the head, she should have died but she miraculously survived, and has continued to speak out on the importance of education. She was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize in 2013. Then, in 2014, she was nominated again and won, becoming the youngest person to receive The Nobel Peace Prize. Malala is a young teen who is very mature. She could be considered as a real-life hero.

In my opinion the American dream was < Pourquoi le passé tout à coup ? Ce n'est plus vrai actuellement ? famous because originates from the fact that lots of people take example have taken such celebrities as Marilyn Monroe or Steeve Jobs as models who because they started from the bottom scratch and are have become rich and famous. < Rappel : present perfect = have/has +participe passé They think when they that going in to the US their lives will become better improve their lives/situation.
Malala Yousafzai she is a hero because that she fought for girl's education.< Pas de double sujet en anglais, c'est à mémoriser.  His The speech gave she made in September 2008 is still celebrated today. Malala is unique, at age 17, she became the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. It  She is an example for many people around the world.

In summary short/brief/To sum up the myth and hero gives a good image/picture of a country or an example for his its citizens. < Un adjectif possessif doit être accordé avec son possesseur. The American dream gives people hope at people, he it gives a good image of the US. The A hero like Malala Yousafzai is a person we can identify oneself with. It A hero restores hope and the motivation to fight even when it is difficult and encourages people not to give up.
To conclude, In my opinion I think/believe myths and heroes was  are important for our society because they give hopes they give motivation to and motivate people to give up stand fast/resist/hold out in her their life lives. < Un complément commun à plusieurs sujets se met au pluriel. They give act as an example for the people. We needs some heroes like Malala to fight the inegalitie inequality in the world. But they also need to myth as the American dream that show the importance of fighting for what we really want < C'est totalement incompréhensible malgré tous mes efforts !

With anything myth and heros, What would our world be without myths nor heroes? < Une question ne doit-elle pas commencer par un mot interrogatif ?

Ce ne sera sûrement pas un scoop si j'écris que tu as de trop nombreuses lacunes, souvent sur des notions de grammaire élémentaire. De sérieuses révisions des bases s'imposent.