Correction D'une Présentation En Anglais

[tybello]

Bonjour,

Voilà pour mon passage à l'oral je dois me présenter en anglais, j'aimerais avoir votre avis en ce qui concerne les structures que j'utilise, si vous voyez des fautes, pouvez-vous m'aider??

Voici mon texte:

In 2009, I obtained my high school diploma and I decided to pursue my studies (in alternation) in the sector of the bank.

During my first year, I worked on the reception where I made basic bank transactions: delivery of means of payment, to make transfers of account with account and international transfers, sale of notebooks(Livret A) banking , (livret jeune).

During my second year, I was able to exercise the post of "sales adviser": sell consumer credits to the private individuals, sell some savings financial as the life insurance, sell the products of protection and foresight.

I begin at present in binomial for the sale of mortgage loans.

I chose the bank as the relation with the customer: the fact of following a relation of beginning till the end, of bringing advice to establish a reliable relation with the customer.

Furthermore, the perspectives of evolution in the world of the bank are numerous, spread and varied. That's why I shall like evolving in this sector. I shall like evolving towards the clientele of the professionnals, then turning to companies.

Then, I shall like increasing my responsabilities by occupying manager's post to manage a commercial team and develop it.

Finally, I shall like managing several agencies to develop a geographical sector.

Voilà, j'espère que vous pourrez me donner vos idées, je vous remercie d'avance!

[hocuspocus]

i work as a sales adviser

individual consumer loans

life insurance savings plans

binomial? est-ce un terme technique?

[hocuspocus]

I chose the bank for the customer relationship: following a deal through , giving advice and establishing a reliable relationship .

Furhermore, the pespective of promotion in the banking world are numerous and varied. That's why I would like ( j'aimerais)to work in this sector. I would like to move on to a clientele of professionals and then turn to companies.

voici pour le moment

je pense que I shall like ne correspond pas à ce que tu veux dire

I would like : j'aimerais ( conditionnel)

A+