Rédaction d'un article

[julien. L]

Bonjour, étant en terminale je dois rédiger un article journalistique sur la thématique de mon choix anglais. Si quelqu'un aurait la gentillesse de me lire, et de m'indiquer les éventuelles fautes de grammaire ça serait sympa. Merci d'avance 

 

" In the United State of America, the number of vegans has increased 160 per cent over the past 10 years.

The increase in meat consumption spark a controversy.  It could be not ideal for the human digestive system. According to the U.S Department of Agriculture, eating meat is « a significant cause of food illness » and «  food poisoning sickens more than 48 million people ». The worst that could happen for the meat consumption is to  generate heart disease in humans (according to the Peta publication posted on November 18th  2019) or  kill them, more than 3,000 people are killed this year.

However,  veganism, plant based could affect the human health, especially the cognitive functions.  The  experts reveal that vegan diet can raise the risk of Alzheimer’s illnesses because people are not getting the crucial fats they need.

Besides, the impact is not only about health, but also environmental, because  it could decrease automatically  « an individual’s carbon footprint from food by up to 73 per cent. » (Joseph Poore, Researchers at the University of Oxford). This new lifestyle not only serves to decrease the gas emission, but also land use and water use.

On the contrary, that vegan lifestyle  is not shared by many  Mexican farmers. They supply « around 45 per cent of the world’s avocados »(Idefonso Guajardo, the country’s economy secretary). Due to an  international increase of the avocados demand , they are also forced to import their own avocados consumption.

 

Nowadays, it is not easy to ignore the environmental and ressources impact of the meat consumption.  But,  a part of the population is still out on how going veganism affects your brain. There are not enough evidence  to determine if it is helpful for the brain at every level."

 

 

[Jean B]

Bonsoir Julien, bienvenue sur le forum.

Le 08/02/2020 à 17:19, julien. L a dit :

Bonjour,

Étant en terminale je dois rédiger un article journalistique sur la thématique de mon choix en anglais. Si quelqu'un aurait <La condition n'est jamais introduite au mode conditionnel mais au mode indicatif> avait la gentillesse de me lire et de m'indiquer les éventuelles fautes de grammaire ça serait sympa. Merci d'avance 

 

" In the United States <Ils sont 50 en nombre of America, the number of vegans has increased by 160 per cent over the past 10 years.

The increase in meat consumption sparked a controversy.  It could be not/It couldn't be <Il est préférable d'appliquer la forme négative à l'auxiliaire modal plutôt qu'au verbe ideal for the human digestive system. According to the U.S Department of Agriculture, eating meat is « a significant cause of food illness » and «  food poisoning sickens more than 48 million people ». The worst that could happen for the meat consumption is to  generate heart disease in humans (according to the Peta publication posted on November 18th  2019) or  kill them, more than 3,000 people are <C'est un résultat> were killed this year.

However plant based veganism <Le groupe adjectif toujours DEVANT le nom could affect the human health, especially the cognitive functions.  The <Lesquels ?> Experts reveal that vegan diet can raise the risk of Alzheimer’s illnesses because people are not getting the crucial fats they need.

Besides, the impact is not only about health but also environmental because it could decrease automatically  « an individual’s carbon footprint from food by up to 73 per cent. » (Joseph Poore, Researchers at the University of Oxford). This new lifestyle is not only serves useful for decreasing the gas emission but also land use and water use.

On the contrary, that vegan lifestyle is not shared by many  Mexican farmers. They supply « around 45 per cent of the world’s avocados »(Idefonso Guajardo, the country’s economy secretary). Due to an  international increase of the avocados demand, they are also forced to import their own avocados consumption.

 

Nowadays, it is not easy to ignore the environmental and ressources impact of the meat consumption.  But a part of the population is still out on how going veganism affects your brain. There are (*) is not enough evidence to determine if it is helpful for the brain at every level."

(*) Le nom "evidence" est non comptable.

Quand tu écris en anglais, sois attentif à l'emploi des virgules dont tu as tendance à abuser.

Attention également à certains emplois abusifs du déterminant "the" dont je joins un récapitulatif.

Ton anglais est globalement très correct, bonne continuation.

The.doc