Besoin d'aide pour corriger mon oral svp

[Le Meur Margot]

Bonjour je passe très prochainement mon oral d'anglais de bac. J'aurais besoin de savoir si mon plan est cohérent avec ma problématique et si j'ai des fautes d'orthographe. Merci d'avance !

I’m going to talk about «Myths and heros ». To begin with, I’d like to state a definition of the notion. A myth can be defined as a story about gods or heroes, it can be a tradition. A hero can be a person who is admired for his achievements, a role model. To illustrate this notion we will focus on citizens, we will answer to : « How ordinary people can make the world a better place ? »

Firstly, citizens stood up for their rights : In 1976 during Apartheid, South Africa's Government created a new law : all black children would only learn Afrikaan at school (which is only a national language) as they want to provide them to climb the social ledder as black children would be more likely to find a job provided they speak in english. Obviously all black children disagreed with this law. However dangerous it was, all of them including Hector Peterson made up their mind to take to the streets in Soweto so as to protest against this measure. They aimed at changing the government's mind. This protestation became riots, it was a bloodshed. Hundreds of children were killed by the police. A photograph with Hector Pieterson who was dying in the arms of his brother went all over the world, this photo showed to the world was apartheid was all about. These events lead to the boycott of SA's products and sports teams. HP is an hero as he fight for a better world, he died for his idea, he embodies all children who dead. His death symbolized SA's violence.

Secodly, citizens can talk the government into changing the law : Gun control is a topical issue, all the more so since the last mass school shooting in Florida in february where 17 students died. Since then, students from all over the country take to the street to demand an end to gun violence during the March For Our Lives rally. According to a document, they are the generetion that's going to make change, all of them seem to be highly determined into changing the law. They urge the government to increase the control. The more pressure there will be on hobbies the more successful students will be. Each protester want to succeed in breaking the 2^nd amendment : everyone is entiled to defend himself. To my mind they are ligitimate enough to deal with this issue as most of them are feeling frightened about school safety, they are the more concerned.

We will end up by saying that citizens are heroes and can make the world a better place insofar as they fight for their rights or for what they think is normal. The very fact that a gun can be buy by anyone even with a criminal record show what student's fight is all about. Concerning HP despite his death he 's also an hero as he put an end to apartheid. If thousands of kids hadn't been shot in horrible conditions, it wouldn't have been all over the news and apartheid would still exist. So not only politicians are powerful, citizens and even artists too.

 

 

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Il y a 15 heures, Le Meur Margot a dit :

Bonjour je passe très prochainement mon oral d'anglais de bac. J'aurais besoin de savoir si mon plan est cohérent avec ma problématique et si j'ai des fautes d'orthographe. Merci d'avance !

I’m going to talk about «Myths and heros ». To begin with, I’d like to state a definition of the notion. A myth can be defined as a story about gods or heroes, it can be a tradition. A hero can be a person who is admired for his achievements, a role model. To illustrate this notion we will focus on citizens, we will answer to : « How ordinary people can make the world a better place? » < L'auxiliaire modal n'est pas à sa place. Rappel de la construction interrogative : mot interrogatif + auxiliaire + sujet + base verbale + autres compléments.

Firstly, citizens stood up for their rights : In 1976 during x Apartheid, < déterminant South Africa's Government created a new law : all black children would only learn Afrikaans at school (which is only a national language) as they want < prétérit to provide them to climb the social ledder < orthographe as black children would be more likely to find a job provided they speak  < prétérit (in) English. < Tu te contredis. Relis la phrase et rectifie la.  Obviously all black children disagreed with this law. However dangerous it was, all of them including Hector Peterson made up their minds to take to the streets in Soweto so as to protest against this measure. They aimed at changing the government's mind. This protestation became riots, it was a bloodshed. Hundreds of children were killed by the police. A photograph with Hector Pieterson who was dying in the arms of his brother went all over the world, this photo showed to the world what Apartheid was all about. These events lead < prétérit irrégulier to the boycott of SA's products and sports teams. HP is an < le h est aspiré >  hero as he fight < prétérit irrégulier for a better world, he died for his idea. Nouvelle phrase > He embodies all  x  < déterminant > children who dead. < prétérit du verbe die His death symbolized SA's violence.

Secondly, citizens can talk the government into changing the law : Gun control is a topical issue, all the more so since the last mass school shooting in Florida in february < majuscule à tous les noms des mois de l'année where 17 students died. Since then, students from all over the country take < present perfect progressif to the street to demand an end to gun violence during the March For Our Lives rally. According to a document, they are the generetion that's going to make change, all of them seem to be highly determined into changing the law. They urge the government to increase the control. The more pressure there will be on hobbies the more successful students will be. Each protester want < le sujet est singulier, donc ? to succeed in breaking the 2^nd amendment : everyone is entiled to defend himself. To my mind they are ligitimate enough to deal with this issue as most of them are feeling frightened about school safety, they are the more concerned.

We will end up by saying that citizens are heroes and can make the world a better place insofar as they fight for their rights or for what they think is normal. The very fact that a gun can be buy < participe passé irrégulier  by anyone even with a criminal record show < Le sujet est encore singulier ! what student's fight is all about. Concerning HP despite his death he 's also an < Voir plus haut hero as he put an end to apartheid. < Idem  If thousands of kids hadn't been shot in horrible conditions, it wouldn't have been all over the news and apartheid < Bis  would still exist. So not only politicians are powerful, citizens and even artists too.

 

À mon humble avis, tu fais la part trop belle au récit pour ne réserver au sujet que la portion congrue.

De plus, je le répète ici, un oral ne consiste pas à réciter un texte appris par coeur, c'est même contradictoire.

Quelques suggestions de bon sens ici, y compris pour l'écrit : https://www.anglaisfacile.com/francaisbac.php

Bonne chance.

[Le Meur Margot]

Merci beaucoup d'avoir pris le temps de me corriger. Je ne compte pas apprendre mon texte par coeur mais je préfère mettre a l'ecrit tout ce que je compte dire. Que voulez vous dire par tu fais la part trop belle au récit pour ne reserver au sujet que la portion congrue?

 

Merci encore 

[Jean B]

il y a 55 minutes, Le Meur Margot a dit :

 Que voulez vous dire par tu fais la part trop belle au récit pour ne réserver au sujet que la portion congrue?

Pas de panique, ce n'est rien de plus ni rien de moins que ce que j'ai écrit, à savoir que la partie accordée au récit est beaucoup plus développée que celle accordée à la démonstration de la notion.

Mais, comme je l'ai déjà écrit, ce n'est que mon humble avis.

[Le Meur Margot]

Ahah d'accord merci 

Est ce que ça vous dérangerais si je vous demandais de corriger 3 autres oraux?

[Jean B]

Il y a 2 heures, Le Meur Margot a dit :

Ahah d'accord merci 

Est ce que ça vous dérangerais si je vous demandais de corriger 3 autres oraux?

Le forum est fait pour cela, que ce soit moi ou un(e) autre.

[Le Meur Margot]

I’m going to talk about « Idea of progress ». Nowadays, sciences are constantly evolving, they are still in progress. To illustrate this notion we will focus on Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis, called PGD. We will see whether or not PGD is a major breakthrough.

   To begin, PGD is a medical innovation as it’s a new technique which enable us to know if an embryo is healthy or likely to develop a disorder. Before, when someone suffered from a genetic disease he was highly likely to pass it on to his children. It could also be used in order to prevent life threatening or genetic diseases. In the future, PGD could be used to recognize and attack cancer cells, scientists are still working on it.

   On top of that, PGD is also a cosmetic innovation. Nowadays, we can choose traits of our baby like the gender, the eyes or hair colour by implanting the embryos that give the genetic traits parents want. Doctors can’t promise the results that parents want but he can increase the odds. One more time, PGB is a breakthrough as we can choose what our children will look like.

   However, we will see that PGD has some consequences on society. Only rich people can afford to pay this technique, it’s totally unfair for poor people. It means that only rich people are allowed to be healthy. Moreover, the less disabled people there are, the more discriminated they will be. As they will be fewer, they will be seen as freaks. Then, some doctors totally disagree with this technique. They accuse PGD of increasing the gap between the have or the have not. They blame people for wanting to change her child apparence.On top of that as doctors can't promise the results the more expectations parents will have, the more disappointed they would be. Doctor Caplan, an american doctor, disapproves of doctors seeing PDG as a cash business, they aim at earning as much money as possible. Nowadays, few families use PGD for cosmetic traits they are still reluctant to use it, in the next few years people will take it for granted. Because of this new technique, our society will be lead in a conformism society where everyone has the same idea of the perfect baby. It seems to be very dangerous.

   To sum up, PGD is a major breakthrough concerning medical innovations, PGD is a positive way of progress as it allowed to cure many diseases even the rarest. To my mind we have to regulate its use in order no to things don't go too far. If we don't, it will create a new categorie of people : the genetically perfect. So progress isn't always a positive things. We can also wonder whether we can plan our child's life ?

=================================================================

I’m going to talk about « Places and Forms of Power ». To begin with, I’d like to state a definition of the notion. In politics and social science, power is the ability to influence the behavior of people.Even when power seems absolute, there are always counter-powers which aim at resisting to it. To illustrate this notion we will focus on the power of artists. We will see whether or not artists have the power to make the world a better place.

   First, let's take the example of Bono, the U2 singer. He's one of a kind as he became fully committe in humanitarian causes. Some poor countries have borrowed huge sums of money which they can't pay back. So Bono asked to some countries a debt relief. Bono also organize a series of concerts (Live 8) in order to raise funds.In fact he used his international fame to help people in need. In addition to that, protest songs are a good way to make things change. Strange Fruit denounced the lynchings commonly practiced in the south of United States until 1940. This song is all the more powerful as it is one of the first manifestations of the Civil Rights Movement and one of the first indictments against racism and lynchings. Through songs, artists entice people to react and act insofar as a song is more likety to attract people than politicians speech. Artists raise people awareness more efficiently as unlike politicians they don't have let them down several times.

   Secondly, let's take the example of presidential election of United States in 2016. Whenever there is an election, artists tend to defend the democrat party. A lot of artists like Madonna, Lady Gaga, Katty Perry promoted Hillary Clinton through social media. They were very optimistic until the last second. Finally, Trump was elected. Moreover, the world known artist, Leonardo Dicaprio has become really involved in environmental issues. A few years ago, during a conference, he made a speech and faced many criticisms, mostly from journalists. Some have accuses him of being too immature to deal with that. Others, were flabbergasted to see that an actor with such a seducer's reputation made such a crucial speech. So artists are not that powerful.

   We will end up by saying that artists can change the world thanks to their international fame insofar as people tend to listen to them and identify with them. Nevertheless, they can't all change because of their reputations. People could also wonder whether artists are legitimate enough to speak about mankind's issues. The power of artists is a topical issue as well as the power of citizens. Since the last mass school shooting in Florida, students urge the government to increase gun control. The question at stake is whether or not they will succeed in breaking the 2^nd amendment.

=================================================================

The notion I am going to deal with is « Spaces and Exchanges ». From 1870 to 1996, Canada government removed Aboriginal children from their home and culture and put them in residencial schools. These school's point was to integrate these children in the white culture, they were forbidden to speak their own language, otherwise they were beaten. We can discribe it as a cultural genocide. We will see to what extend Truth and Reconciliation Commissions have really solves problems ?

   First, since few years the relationships between Canada and Aborigenes seems to be on the path of apology and reconciliation. Recently in 2008, the canadian government acknowledged their responsability and apologised for abuse in residencial schools. Truth and Reconciliation Commissions set up in 2008.The Canadian government reproduced those of South Africa which took place in order to forgive and forget what Apartheid was all about. This kind of commisson isn't a punitive form of justice but rather a restorative justice. These commissions aim at correcting imbalances, restoring broken relationships with healing, harmony and reconciliation. Canadian government also settled the United Nations Declaration on the Right of Indigenous People and provide equity for aboriginal people in the legal system. On top of that, they created a national council for reconciliation and many commemorations take place along the year.

   Secondly, we will see what are the consequences today of this cultural genocide. First nation men and women today are very likely to suffer from psychological disorders and alcoholism or likely to take drugs, to be unemployed. Because of Residencial schools, they are intellectually and culturally inferior. In addition to that, as they were not allowed to speak their own language, Aboriginal languages are critically endangered. Nowadays, the government implement symbolical measures : they teach what happened in Residencial schools. They not only deprived these children from their family they also stole their cultural identity. The setting up of measures to improve their welfare can't repare what have been done.

   To conclude It is puzzling to see how long it took the Canadian authorities to fully acknowledge the abuse First nations endured with the residential schools. The TRC can help aborigenes to forgive and forget what happened but the First Nation could never recover from what they suffered from. This is a topical issue as we live in a world were populations are made to move and adjust to new culture such as the Inuit. Because of the icecape melting, some parts of the Arctic Zone are now accessible. Some countries are becoming more and more interested in the access to raw materiels (lithium). Inuits don't have a word to say as they are considered are inferior.

Merci d'avance !

[Jean B]

I’m going to talk about x « Idea of progress ». < x déterminant Nowadays, sciences are constantly evolving, they are still in progress. To illustrate this notion we will focus on Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis, called PGD. We will see whether or not PGD is a major breakthrough.

 To begin, PGD is a medical innovation as it’s a new technique which enable < Le sujet est singulier, faute déjà signalée précédemment. Si d’un texte à l’autre, tu te contentes d’en faire un simple copier-coller sans tenir compte de mes annotations pour rectifier les fautes toi-même, à quoi ça sert ? Attention : l’absence de sifflante sera remarquée à l’oral et sera probablement sanctionnée. us to know whether/if an embryo is healthy or likely to develop a disorder. Before In the past/Formerly, when someone suffered from a genetic disease he was highly likely to pass it on to his children. It could also be used in order to prevent life threatening or genetic diseases. In the future, PGD could be used to recognize and attack cancer cells, scientists are still working on it.

On top of that, PGD is also a cosmetic innovation. Nowadays, we can choose x features/traits of our baby like the gender, the eyes or hair colour by implanting the embryos that give the genetic traits parents want. Doctors can’t promise the results that parents want but he < L’accord avec le sujet ? can increase the odds. One more time Once more, PGB is a breakthrough as we can choose what our children will look like.

  However, we will see that PGD has some consequences on society. Only rich people can afford to pay this technique, it’s totally unfair for poor people. It means that only rich people are allowed to be healthy. Moreover, the less disabled people there are, the more discriminated they will be. As they will be fewer, they will be seen as freaks. Then, some doctors totally disagree with this technique. They accuse PGD of increasing the gap between the have or and the have not. They blame people for wanting to change her < L’accord avec le sujet, encore ! child apparence.< orthographe On top of that as doctors can't promise the results the more expectations parents will have, the more disappointed they would be. Doctor Caplan, an american < Majuscule aux adjectifs des nationalités doctor, disapproves of doctors seeing PDG as a cash business, they aim at earning as much money as possible. Nowadays, few families use PGD for cosmetic traits they are still reluctant to use it, in the next few years people will take it for granted. Because of this new technique, our society will be lead < participe passé irrégulier. Il faut absolument connaître tous les verbes irréguliers par coeur. into a conformist society where everyone has the same idea of the perfect baby. It seems to be very dangerous.

 To sum up, PGD is a major breakthrough concerning medical innovations, PGD is a positive way of progress as it allowed to cure many diseases even the rarest. To my mind we have to regulate its use in order no to so as things don't go too far. If we don't, it will create a new categorie < orthographe of people: the genetically perfect ones. So progress isn't always a positive things. < Un nom pluriel avec l’article singulier ! Ne te relis-tu donc pas ? We can also wonder whether we can plan our child's life. < C’est une interrogation indirecte = pas de point d’interrogation et ton de voix affirmatif.

 

[Jean B]

I’m going to talk about « Places and Forms of Power ». < Pourquoi les majuscules ? To begin with, I’d like to state a definition of the notion. In politics and social science, power is the ability to influence the behavior of people. Even when power seems absolute, there are always counter-powers which aim at resisting to it. < Verbe transitif direct To illustrate this notion we will focus on the power of artists. We will see whether or not artists have the power to make the world a better place.

  First, let's take the example of Bono, the U2 singer. He's one of a kind as he became fully committed in humanitarian causes. Some poor countries have borrowed huge sums of money which they can't pay back. So Bono asked to < Idem some countries a debt relief. Bono also organized a series of concerts (Live 8) in order to raise funds. In fact he used his international fame to help people in need. In addition to that, protest songs are a good way to make things change. Strange Fruit denounced the lynchings commonly practised in the south of x United States until 1940. This song is all the more powerful as it is one of the first manifestations of the Civil Rights Movement and one of the first indictments against racism and lynchings. Through songs, artists encourage/entice people to react and act insofar as a song is more likely to attract people than politicians’ speech. Artists raise people awareness more efficiently as unlike politicians they don't have let them down several times.

  Secondly, let's take the example of x presidential election of x United States in 2016. Whenever there is an election, artists tend to defend the democrat party. A lot of artists like Madonna, Lady Gaga, Katty Perry promoted Hillary Clinton through x social media. They were very optimistic until the last second. Finally, Trump was elected. Moreover, the world known artist, Leonardo Dicaprio has become really involved in environmental issues. A few years ago, during a conference, he made a speech and faced many criticisms, mostly from journalists. Some have accuses < Respecte la concordance des temps ! =>> prétérit him of being too immature to deal with that. Others, were flabbergasted to see that an actor with such a seducer's reputation made such a crucial speech. So artists are not that powerful.

  We will end up by saying that artists can change the world thanks to their international fame insofar as people tend to listen to them and identify with them. Nevertheless, they can't all change everything because of their reputations. People could also wonder whether artists are legitimate enough to speak about mankind's issues. The power of artists is a topical issue as well as the power of citizens. Since the last mass school shooting in Florida, students urge < present perfect progressif, faute d’accord déjà signalée aussi the government to increase gun control. The question at stake is whether or not they will succeed in breaking the 2^nd amendment.

[Jean B]

The notion I am going to deal with is « Spaces and Exchanges < Souffrirais-tu de “majusculite aiguë ” ? From 1870 to 1996, Canada the Canadian government removed Aboriginal children from their home and culture and put them in residencial < orthographe schools. The purpose/point of these schools was to integrate these children into the white culture, they were forbidden to speak their own language, otherwise they were beaten. We can discribe < orthographe it as a cultural genocide. We will see to what extend < orthographe Truth and Reconciliation Commissions have really solves < present perfect = have/has + participe passé x problems.

First, since few years the relationships between Canada and Aborigenes seems to be have been on the path of apology and reconciliation for a few years. Recently in 2008, the canadian government acknowledged their responsability and apologised for abuse in residencial schools. < orthographe x 3 Truth and Reconciliation Commissions set up in 2008.The Canadian government reproduced those of South Africa which took place in order to forgive and forget what Apartheid was all about. This kind of commisson isn't a punitive form of justice but rather a restorative justice. These commissions aim at correcting imbalances, restoring broken relationships with healing, harmony and reconciliation. X Canadian government also settled the United Nations Declaration on the Right of Indigenous People and provide equity for aboriginal people in the legal system. On top of that, they created a national council for reconciliation and many commemorations take place along the year.

Secondly, we will see what are the consequences today of this cultural genocide are today. < C’est une phrase affirmative où what est pronom relatif ; il faut donc en respecter la construction.  First nation men and women today are very likely to suffer from psychological disorders and alcoholism or likely to take drugs, to be unemployed. Because of Residencial schools, they are intellectually and culturally inferior. In addition to that, as they were not allowed to speak their own language, Aboriginal languages are critically endangered. Nowadays, the government implement < Décidément ! symbolical measures: they teach what happened in Residencial schools. They not only deprived these children from their families they also stole their cultural identity. The setting up of measures to improve their welfare can't repare what have < Et alors ? been done.

To conclude it is puzzling to see how long it took the Canadian authorities to fully acknowledge the abuse First nations endured with the residential schools. The TRC can help aborigenes to forgive and forget what happened but the First Nation could never recover from what they suffered from. This is a topical issue as we live in a world were <!!! populations are made to move and adjust to new culture such as the Inuit. Because of the ice pack melting, some parts of the Arctic Zone are now accessible. Some countries are becoming more and more interested in the access to raw materiels (lithium). Inuits don't have a word to say as they are considered are inferior.

Conseils :

-       Utilise le dictionnaire systématiquement car tu commets trop de fautes d’orthographe. En te lisant, j’ai souvent l’impression que tu penses et écris en français, puis que tu «traduis » en anglais. Si c’est le cas, il faut vite te défaire de cette mauvaise méthode qui est la pire de toutes.

-       Apprends ou révise les verbes irréguliers que tu dois connaître par coeur sous leurs trois formes.

-       Revois également les règles d’emploi/omission de « the » avec lesquelles tu sembles en délicatesse. Voir là : The.doc

-       Enfin, n’oublie pas d’exploiter les richesses du site https://www.anglaisfacile.com/ qui est une véritable mine d’or.

-       Bonne continuation.

[Le Meur Margot]

Et bien merci infiniment!