Préparation d'une biographie

[eldoradoo]

Bonjour, j'ai fais une biographie de Isaac Asimov en anglais que je vais devoir présenté à l'oral. Pourriez-vous me corriger mes erreurs, si possible me dire ce qu'il y a à améliorer (comme des connecteurs logiques par exemples qui manquent mais je ne sais ou en mettre) et si possible ce que je pourrais rajouter si ce n'est pas suffisant. Merci d'avance

Welcome everybody ! We’re going to talk about Isaac Asimov. So let’s begin !

 

Isaac Asimov was born between October 4, 1919 and January 2, 1920 in Petrovichi, a village of Smolensk Oblast in the Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic. His exact date of birth is unknow, but Asimov celebrated it on January 2. His father Judah Asimov and his mother Anne Rachel are jewish millers. He married two times and had two children. Asimov had two younger siblings : a sister, Marcia, and a brother, Stanley who was vice-president of New York Newsday.

 

When he was three years old, his family emigrated to United States because of their religious, political, social and economical situation. In fact, there was the pogrom against jewish people in Russia during these years. A pogrom is a persecution of an ethnic or religious group, particulary aimed at Jews. Isaac Asimov spoke English and Yiddish but he never learned Russian. In the US, his parents owned candy stores in which all the family worked. He read science fiction pulp magazines that his parents sold and it influenced his life. Judah Asimov forbade him to read the pulps because he considered them to be trash but his son convinced him. He became a naturalized US citizen at the age of eight.

 

He grew up in New York and he taught himself to read at the age of five. Isaac Asimov was a prodigy. He started the first grade a year early contrary to the other students and he began to write his own stories when he was 11. At age 19, he was selling stories to the sci-fi magazines. The editor John Campbell was his friend and as a result he had a strong formative influence on him. More over he was a friend of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry too. In 1941 Asimov obtained a Master’s Degree in chemistry and received a Doctorate Degree in biochemistry in 1948. During the world war II, he spent three years in a Naval Air Experimental Station of the US. He became corporal and he participated in the atomic bomb tests. At first he was a professor of biochemistry but he dismissed in 1958. As a consequence he turned to writing full-time.

 

After his second marriage, he became a successful author. He published Robots, a collection of nine science fiction short stories in 1950 and The Foundation series in 1952. The famous writer was a claustrophile and afraid of flying. That played an important rôle on his fiction works, such as the Wendell Urth mystery stories. In 1984, he was the Humanist of the Year and he was the president of the American Humanisa Association from 1985 until April 6, 1922 when he died. At the first ; his brother Stanley said that the cause of death was a heart failure but ten years later, his HIV infection was to anounce, he died because of the AIDS.

 

To conclude, Isaac Asimov started from the scratch in Russia to reach the top in the US. Throughout his life he was hardworking, persistent, ambitious and determined, so he fulfiled his dream. His talent to write was unique. So Isaac Asimov, the great writer achieved the American Dream.

Our presentation is over, We hope you enjoyed it. Are there any question ?

 

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Pourquoi as-tu utilisé plusieurs polices de caractères ? Pour faire "plus joli " ?

Welcome everybody! We’re going to talk about Isaac Asimov. So let’s begin! <<Les points d’exclamation et d’interrogation se collent SANS ESPACE derrière le dernier mot.

 

Isaac Asimov was born between October 4, 1919 and January 2, 1920 in Petrovichi, a village of Smolensk Oblast in the Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic. His exact date of birth is unknown, <<participe passé irrégulier but Asimov celebrated it on January 2. His father Judah Asimov and his mother Anne Rachel are were Jewish millers. <<Ils sont décédés, non ? Majuscule à l’adjectif He married two times twice and had two children. Asimov had two younger siblings: a sister, Marcia, and a brother, Stanley who was vice-president of New York Newsday.

 

When he was three years old, his family emigrated to the United States because of their religious, political, social and economical situation. In fact, there was the pogrom against Jewish people in Russia during these years. A pogrom is a persecution of an ethnic or religious group, particularly aimed at Jews. Isaac Asimov spoke English and Yiddish but he never learned Russian. In the US, his parents owned candy stores in which all the family worked. He read science fiction pulp magazines that his parents sold and it influenced his life. Judah Asimov forbade him to read the << Ne doit s’employer que devant un nom expressément déterminé. Est-ce le cas ? Non pulps because he considered them to be trash but his son convinced him. He became a naturalized US citizen at the age of eight.

 

He grew up in New York and he taught himself to read at the age of five. Isaac Asimov was a prodigy. He started the first grade a year early contrary to the other students and he began to write his own stories when he was 11. At age 19, he was selling stories to the sci-fi magazines. The editor John Campbell was his friend and as a result he had a strong formative influence on him. Moreover he was a friend of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry too. In 1941 Asimov obtained a Master’s Degree in chemistry and received a Doctorate Degree in biochemistry in 1948. During the World War II, he spent three years in a Naval Air Experimental Station of the US. He became a corporal and he participated in the atomic bomb tests. At first he was a professor of biochemistry but he dismissed in 1958. As a consequence he turned to writing full-time.

 

After his second marriage, he became a successful author. He published Robots, a collection of nine science fiction short stories in 1950 and The Foundation series in 1952. The famous writer was a claustrophobic <<Je suppose and afraid of flying. That played an important rôle <<Sauf emprunt à une autre langue, il n’y pas d’accent écrit en anglais>> role on his fiction works, such as the Wendell Urth mystery stories. In 1984, he was the Humanist of the Year and he was the president of the American Humanisa Association from 1985 until April 6, 1922  <<Ne peux-tu te relire ?>> 1992 when he died. At the first his brother Stanley said that the cause of death was a heart failure but ten years later, his HIV infection was to announce made public / announced, he died because of the AIDS.

 

To conclude, Isaac Asimov started from the scratch in Russia to reach the top in the US. Throughout his life he was hardworking, persistent, ambitious and determined, so he fulfilled his dream. His talent to write was unique. So Isaac Asimov, the great writer achieved the American Dream.

Our presentation is over, We I hope you enjoyed it. Are there any questions? / Do you have any questions?

Good job!

Puis-je savoir comment tu t’es débrouillé avec ton sujet du 6 décembre « Le rêve américain et l’immigration » ?

 

 

[eldoradoo]

Merci beaucoup pour cette correction ! Pensez-vous que je devrais d'avantage développer la conclusion ou une autre partie ? Manque-t-il, selon vous, des petites touches telles que des connecteurs logiques ?

Vous n'avez pas oublié mon sujet du 6 décembre ! Je me suis servi des documents de mon cours et j'ai fais de mon mieux pour en expliquer trois mais je pense que ce que j'ai fais était pas très mal.

Avec tous mes respects

[Jean B]

Ta conclusion me paraît OK. Quant aux connecteurs logiques, à toi de voir d'après la liste que je mets en pj s'il y a lieu d'en ajouter.

link_words.pdf