Avis Et Correction Sur Mes Textes Pour Mon Oral

[lorino]

Bonjour, ayant un gros problème dans les langues! je voudrais avoir des avis et une correction si possible des mes textes ! Merci énormement d'avance car je sais que sa sera du boulot !!!

Myth and heroes

During the year, we studied the notion of Myth and heroes. A myth can be defined as a story about gods or heroes, it can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his or her achievements, a superhero or maybe a model or an icon. The documents that we studied in class were mainly speaking about celebrity heroes who defended, helped, fought for many people creating the myth. So how can myths and heroes change our lives ? To answer this question, we’re going to see in a first part the myths and the heroes which, because of their action, became models, secondly, I'm going to bring to light how many consequences, difficulties you will have to face to be a hero

First, we have seen Oprah Wilfrey's actions. She is the mosts famous TV presenter in the USA, she's very popular in the media, she is a philantropist and child advocate. For her birthday, the public organised a flash mob during a concert of the Black Eyed Peas, a flashmob is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then quickly disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, and artistic expression.". Oprah was suprised to see this because it is unusual. The Americans love Oprah because she's a model of sucess, she has an influence on culture and the american spirit. Secondly, there is Martin luther king, a pastor, he was a pacifist and defended the rights of the black community. He organized marches and protests and wanted to put an end to racism. He is considered as a hero by millions of people worldwide. Thirdly, we spoke about Eva Longoria. Eva started from scratch. She did whatever was needed to make her dreams come true. She did everything she could to fulfil her dreams. Today, she represents sucess and she is an icon. Finally, we spoke about Nelson Mandela, the first South African black President. He fought against the apartheid. He fought for liberty of the black population. Nelson passed away on last december. President Obama said during the ceremony that Mandela was a statesman, a peace man, a peacemaker, a leader, a democrat, a visionary, humble, big speaker. However to become heros, It's very difficult.

Finally, indeed, he need ambition to be a hero. In the 50s and 60s, Oprah has faced obstacles because there was racism against African American people in the south of the USA. She was poor and her life was primitive but her grandmother and her father helped for her education. Martin Luther King fought for the black community, he has been courageous pastor in racism periods but he was assassinated, in 1968 by asegregationist. Eva langoria worked at Wendy's to pay her lessons at college. College is extremely expensive America. She also borrowed some money and received a scolarship. Eva earned her bachelor. She owed her success partly thanks to the fierce work she developed at a young age. Then Mandela was jailed during 27 years for encouraging black South Africans to go on strike and for illegally leaving South Africa. He battled South African apartheid and planned to overthrow the government by non-violent protests.

To conclude we can say that myths and heroes have changed our lives. Many heroes fought for things that they cherished. They have a capacity to influence the minds of many people, to help them and to change the course of history. Heroes do courageous things like help black people to be equal to white people, they fight for something or they want to serve others. They represent a model, an ideal person. And nobody can deny their comportment, they changed the history, our history.

Idea of progress

During the year, we studied the notion of idea of progress. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. The documents that we studied in class spoke mainly new technology and Telecommute. The progress is at the heart of these societies. So we can ask if we can exist without technology ? To answer this question, we’re going to see in a first part new technology, Which will show us the risks of his(her,its) use. Secondly, I'm going to talk about Telecommute who has his qualities and his defects.

First, we have seen The progress of the techonology in the world in text « A simple life » a young girl explain that she depended to technology for her school projets.She used internet explorer and wrote email to keep in touch with her family and friends. In the past, the people did without computer, people wrote letters on papers, people listend to music on casette played, the people actually used to hang out in real time, not online. Nowdays, people write emails, people listen to music on ipod, people communicate online. We etudied Tracy's life, a single with two children who was as inter addict. She stayed on the Internet all the time. She going see a docteur for break her addiction. she began missing work and she started neglect her children. Tracy began staying up late at ninght and she started skinipping meals she also fell into depression and attempte suicide.

Finally, we have seen telecommute. Telecommuting is a work arrangement in which the employee works outside the office, often working from home or at a location close to home. In the article was published by derek thomson, he say that he walks 30 minutes to go to work everyday but it is that in jully. As a resultat he would like to stay home and write his article in his living room in his couch. In this article we learn that only 1 in 20 america eployers work from home there are aproximated 34 millions teleworkers as a consequence the number of teleworkers grow. For Harried, work at home is a Disaster. In the email to Annie, he explain his Career. He worked for a compagny which is far from home so he had a long trek everday. As a resvet, he could never see her familly ans he was too bussy. He wanted to try telecommuting. His boss said yes. Today, he regrets his decisions because at home he was distration and he misses his colleges.

To conclude, I think we can't live without a minimum of technology as evidenced by the Blackout, but we do not have to be dependent. Technology is there and makes something easier doesn't mean we should rely on it so much that we can't think for ourselves.

And this is the problem of my generation, because we were born with technology so we are dependent on it and we don't think without technology. It's necessary to find a balance because life without technology is impossible once it has access, but addiction is not an obligation.

Spaces and exchanges

During the year, we studied the notion of pace and exchange. The different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information. The documents that we studied in class spoke mainly about immigration to the United States. Immigration definitely involves the idea of space as immigrants are moving across countries: they leave their home land to get a new start in America. Thus, it also involves exchange: immigrants come with their own share of cultural background that gets melt into a whole new lifestyle in their arrival country. We will see why there is immigration and How the immigrants integrated once in the USA. Firstly, i am going to talk about difficulties in different countries of origin. Secondly, i am going to speak in search of america dream and reality.

To start we spoke about difficultul in different countries Indeed we saw a document entitled « the immigrants facts and figures » that spoke about countries's problems. In western Europeans, in the countries of origin were a high rate of unemployment. In china, the country was poor and in Eastern European they could not choose their religion because of persecution. Many people hoped a new and better life and polical freedom. A document « Don't send me back » explained another reason immigration. This is Jacob's story that would like to come to Ellis Island to survive because it's a jew and Russians hated jews at the time..

Many immigrants went to America for dream america. Two immigration station were widely known by immigrants : Ellis Island and Angel Island.

Now, I am going to show that many immigrants search hope in america but they didn't know reality. We saw a video with mr.lee, an immigrant who left his village in china with his grand-father to join his father in San Francisco, in Angel Island and to flee china's poverty. Today, Mrs. Lee found good job. Like Mrs. Lee, many chines were deported by boat to join a better world, However, there were requirements to enter America. In Ellis Island, it was necesary to do medical examinations and ansver 29 questions. In Angel Island, it was necesary to do medical examinations and answer questioning by a boat.

A day, Angel island opened for the chinese exclusion act. It was a law which restricted immigration. The immigration station was restored and clothes and language from the are exposed. Immigration cause many problems like bith's gangters. We studied a famous gang that is MS13. The MS13 has 100000 members. There was a civil war in el salvador as a consequence they formed gangs.The MS-13 gang originated in Los Angeles, set up in the 1980s by Salvadoran immigrants in the city's Pico-Union neighborhood who immigrated to the United States after the Central American civil wars of the 1980s

To conclude, i wanted to say that immigration starting was coming of cause different countries and it was difficult to integrate a new life. Indeed it is harder for them to integrate and they face discrimination because they don’t share a common culture with the USA.

[Dawinasam]

Salut,

Ton texte a l'air pas mal (même si je n'ai pas tout lu) mais il y a quelque incompréhension dans le premier texte quand je lis, par ex "celebrity heroes" je comprend héros de célébrité, j'aurais plutôt mis "famous heroes" et quand tu dis " defended, helped, fought " je lis défendu, a aidé, battu ... la suite de ta phrase ne vas pas avec le reste, aussi "became models" je lis "est devenu des modèles" je mettrait sont devenus des modèles et là je lis "difficulties you will have to face to be a hero " pour moi c'est "des difficultés vous devront faire face pour être un héros "

Voilà, je lis la suite et on verra

Bien à toi, Dawinasam