1 réponse à ce sujet

[Fabio56]

Bonjour, est-ce que vous pourriez corriger mon texte en m'indiquant mes erreurs ?

We will attempt to analyze the construction, ideas and issues of chapter twenty-two but to fully understand this, contextualize it. It is an excerpt from a novel for children entitled "The other side of truth" published in 2000 and written by Beverley Naidoo. This latter is a popular South African author who wrote many children's novels, most of which speak of life in South Africa where she spent her childhood. This novel was awarded the prize for youth literature, the Carnegie Medal. The novel refers to the execution of Ken Saro-Wiwa and other journalists, which caused an international outcry in 1995, the story talks about the absence of freedom of expression and of press in Nigeria. Indeed, this novel tells the story of two children forced to leave Nigeria, where their father, a journalist committed to the rights of man is hunted by the police, their mother was murdered, children have left the country illegally to England where they will had to find their uncle, but he has mysteriously disappeared! They are therefore been collected in a host family and before this chapter, the brother and sister had their first day of school in England, where they have suffered from isolation and discrimination against political refugees.In this chapter, the twenty-second, entitled "bullies in the Head", the author tells the return of Sade in his family home, where she tasted and tries to get his homework done but she is haunted by her integration problems whom she met during the day. In addition, his brother still does not speak, despite the warmth of her family, she feels lonely.

We will analyze this excerpt from a novel in three basic dimensions. First the safety and comfort of his family home, then the mention of his difficult integration and finally, the nostalgia and the torment of the main character of this chapter.

It is true that when she returned home after his school day, she finds solace in her foster family. Indeed, the King family organized everything for it to be happy and comfortable. The mother prepared to him a good cake, in fact, at the beginning of the text can be read: ***. We see that the family made efforts, in fact the narrator says "Aunt Gracie tried to get comfortable at home." In addition she takes after her, and tries to talk to get comfortable, because she asks him "How was it at school?". She has a maternal instinct because later in the story she asked "How was it? Garcia aunt again. Any problems?". In addition, the little girl has support outside of the home, because Mama Appiah called him "to find out about their first day at school. " This shows that in the first part of the chapter, the author shows a family welcoming and reassuring for both abandoned children.

Now see the second part dealing with moral difficulties and integration of the girl. She suffers first of solitude can be harder to live than at school like of his brother, he is deadness, it is an ordeal for her! Indeed, we read: ****, But the narrator evokes the bullies of the school who leer at first Only both, but then in the canteen with Kevin, the son of her first family who single out and looks at her with a smirk. We see that she is looking for support because she questioned the location of the home of Marcia, her new friend, it says: ***. She seeks to avoid what the author called "a horrible monster"! At the end of the chapter, she still having a nightmare of the two daughters who single out, she felt like a plight.

Finally, the dramatic turn of this chapter takes place just before the end of it. Indeed, the author recounts the nightmare of Sade, it summarizes all the suffering and difficulties of the girl. She mixes everything in her brain and is completely lost. Indeed, in the latter, we find the two girls who hurt him. But also his father because he lacks is the one who protected her and finally she sees again the trauma of the death of his mother.

This shows clearly that this chapter is a mixture of happiness, suffering, unpain and tourmaline. So, it is for me one of the strongest chapters and most interesting of the book, and particularly rich in learning about the difficulties of integration of political refugees.

Merci d'avance de votre aide. - Fabio56

[JRB]

Bonjour,

Fabio56, le 15 mars 2011 - 16:35, dit :

Bonjour, est-ce que vous pourriez corriger mon texte en m'indiquant mes erreurs ?

We will attempt to analyze the construction, ideas and issues of chapter twenty-two but to fully understand this, we'll contextualize it.

Il faut répéter l'auxiliaire en effet car il est trop loin en arrière.

Citation

It is an excerpt from a novel for children entitled "The other side of truth" published in 2000 and written by Beverley Naidoo.This The latter is a popular South African author who wrote many children's novels, most of which speak of deal with life in South Africa where she spent her childhood.

- Le génitif est incorrect car les romans n'appartiennent pas aux enfants. Le seul nom composé suffit à induire la notion recherchée.
- J'ai du mal à admettre que l'on puisse employer le verbe "speak" quand il s'agit d'écrit.

Citation

This novel was awarded the prize for youth literature, the Carnegie Medal. The novel refers to the execution of Ken Saro-Wiwa and other journalists, which caused an international outcry in 1995, the story talks is about the absence of freedom of expression and of press in Nigeria.

Idem pour "talk" avec de l'écrit.

Citation

Indeed, this novel tells the story of two children forced to leave Nigeria, where their father, a journalist committed to the rights of man is hunted by the police, their mother was murdered, children have left the country illegally to England where they will had have to find their uncle, but he has mysteriously disappeared! They are therefore been collected taken in a host family and before this chapter, the brother and sister had their first day of school in England, where they have suffered from isolation and discrimination against political refugees.

collect est impropre au sens d'accueillir/recueillir qqn. S'emploie plutôt pour des objets.

Citation

In this chapter, the twenty-second, entitled "bullies in the Head", the author tells the return of Sade in his family home, where she tasted and tries to get his homework done but she is haunted by her integration problems whom she met during the day.

- L'adjectif possessif s'accorde EN GENRE avec le POSSESSEUR. Rectifie-le les 2 fois.
- Le pronom relatif a un antécédent de choses immatérielles, donc... ? Rectifie aussi.

Citation

In addition, his<Encore ! brother still does not speak, despite the warmth of her family, she feels lonely.

We will analyze this excerpt from a novel in three basic dimensions. First the safety and comfort of his family home, then the mention of his difficult integration and finally, the nostalgia and the torment of the main character of this chapter.

It is true that when she returned home after his school day, she finds solace in her foster family.

Ne mélange surtout pas les temps verbaux. En anglais, le récit se fait au prétérit.

Citation

Indeed, the King family organized everything for it to be happy and comfortable. The mother prepared a good cake to him, in fact, at the beginning of the text can be read: ***. We see that the family made efforts, in fact the narrator says "Aunt Gracie tried to get comfortable at home." In addition she takes after her, and tries to talk to get comfortable because she asks him "How was it at school?". She has a maternal instinct because later in the story she asked "How was it? Garcia aunt again. Any problems?". In addition, the little girl has support outside of the home because Mama Appiah called him "to find out about their first day at school. " This shows that in the first part of the chapter, the author shows a family welcoming and reassuring for both abandoned children.

Now see the second part dealing with moral difficulties and integration of the girl. She suffers first of solitude can be harder to live than at school like of his brother, he is deadness, it is an ordeal for her!<C'est à reconstruire car on ne sait plus qui est qui ni qui fait quoi. Indeed, we read: ****, But the narrator evokes the bullies of the school who leer at first Only both, but then in the canteen with Kevin, the son of her first family who singles out and looks at her with a smirk. We see that she is looking for support because she questioned the location of the home of Marcia, her new friend, it says: ***. She seeks to avoid what the author called "a horrible monster"! At the end of the chapter, she was still having a nightmare of the two daughters who single out, she felt like a plight.

Finally, the dramatic turn of this chapter takes place just before the end of it. Indeed, the author recounts the nightmare of Sade, it summarizes all the suffering and difficulties of the girl. She mixes everything in her brain and is completely lost. Indeed, in the latter, we find the two girls who hurt him <??. But also his father because he lacks x-x is the one who protected her and finally she sees again the trauma of the death of his mother.

This shows clearly that this chapter is a mixture of happiness, suffering, unpain and tourmaline. So, it is for me one of the strongest chapters and most interesting chapters of the book, and particularly rich in learning about the difficulties of integration of political refugees.

Merci d'avance de votre aide. - Fabio56

Pour autant que je puisse en juger, ton analyse est riche et pertinente.
Tu gagnerais encore en qualité d'expression si tu construisais mieux tes phrases, notamment en évitant les calques du français et les phrases "à rallonge, à la façon de Proust"...!  
"Ce qui se conçoit bien s'énonce clairement
Et les mots pour le dire arrivent aisément" dixit un certain Nicolas Boileau.
Enfin, débarrasse-toi une bonne fois de cette erreur sur l'adjectif possessif et mémorise qu'il s'accorde en genre avec le possesseur, pas l'objet possédé.
Bonne continuation.